The healthiest relationships aren’t the ones that never experience rupture. They’re the ones that know how to repair. One of my favorite quotes from Dr. John Gottman is: “The masters of relationships are masters of repair.” I think about those words every time I sit with a couple. As a Gottman-trained therapist, I spend a lot of time teaching couples that conflict isn’t the enemy. Disconnection is inevitable. What predicts the health of a relationship isn’t whether you fight—

I always feel that couples counseling is often misused and misunderstood. One half either doesn’t want to be there, was forced to be there or is simply giving it a last ditched effort so they can check off the box and say they did it. Some of the reasons I have heard from couples I have worked with. “If we go to therapy, I might have to use... feelings.”Translation: They’re scared of vulnerability and don’t have the vocabulary yet—but that’s what you’re here for! “The therap

Many times, people tell me that their spouse is "always" the one to start the fight with them. People who think that they are the hapless victim of an argumentative partner generally do not recognize their own contribution to the fighting. Generally, couples who fight often are locked into a dynamic where one is aggressive, and one is passive aggressive. The passive aggressive partner acts like a victim, but in reality, is being as dismissive and stubborn as the more flagrant

The existence of love, safety, trust, and respect, in a relationship is often hurt by moments you might dismiss as petty disagreements. The things that destroy the foundation of a healthy marriage can often disguise themselves as unimportant. Many dangerous things neither appear nor feel dangerous as they’re happening. They’re not bombs and gunshots. They’re paper cuts. And that is the danger. When we don’t recognize something as threatening, then we’re not careful. These tin