The healthiest relationships aren’t the ones that never experience rupture. They’re the ones that know how to repair. One of my favorite quotes from Dr. John Gottman is: “The masters of relationships are masters of repair.” I think about those words every time I sit with a couple. As a Gottman-trained therapist, I spend a lot of time teaching couples that conflict isn’t the enemy. Disconnection is inevitable. What predicts the health of a relationship isn’t whether you fight—it’s whether you...

A Guide for the Guy Who Genuinely Doesn’t Get It. The Mental Load doesn’t take a summer vacation like this little guy. Summer Is Here. And She Is Running on Empty. It is 9:17 in the morning. School has been out for 8 days. She has already been asked what’s for breakfast, what’s for lunch, what snacks do we have, and — I kid you not — what’s for dinner? It is 9:17 in the morning. Somewhere between the third “I’m bored” and the second request for something that requires the stove, she has...

I always feel that couples counseling is often misused and misunderstood. One half either doesn’t want to be there, was forced to be there or is simply giving it a last ditched effort so they can check off the box and say they did it. Some of the reasons I have heard from couples I have worked with. “If we go to therapy, I might have to use... feelings.”Translation: They’re scared of vulnerability and don’t have the vocabulary yet—but that’s what you’re here for! “The therapist is just going...