The healthiest relationships aren’t the ones that never experience rupture. They’re the ones that know how to repair. One of my favorite quotes from Dr. John Gottman is: “The masters of relationships are masters of repair.” I think about those words every time I sit with a couple. As a Gottman-trained therapist, I spend a lot of time teaching couples that conflict isn’t the enemy. Disconnection is inevitable. What predicts the health of a relationship isn’t whether you fight—

A few weeks ago, while driving my kids we started talking about friendships. They were very curious about my friends. I don’t have a lot of family here, so I always overcompensated in friends. I used to have these epic parties and I would be very inclusive and invite everyone. I enjoy hosting but was whipped out after every party and my kids never wanted big shin digs. I realized it was more about me. As I got older though, my circle became smaller, more intimate and more mea

A Love Set in Stone Psyche Revived by Cupid’s Kiss is one of the most beautiful sculptures by Antonio Canova. It represents the meeting between two young married lovers and is the metaphor of the eternal struggle between rationality and instinct, between heart and mind. I was in Paris with my daughter early this summer and we visited the Musée du Louvre. (Article coming soon about our incredible mother/daughter trip.) This was by far, my favorite masterpiece in the Museum. I

So many couples argue incessantly and have no idea that this is destroying their relationship, the peace in their home, and their kids’ ability to get along well with others. Their blind spot is that they both wholeheartedly believe that it is necessary to have an opinion about everything that transpires in their world. This is wrong and was learned in your childhood, either directly or as a counter-reaction. There are two types of people who constantly push their opinions a

The existence of love, safety, trust, and respect, in a relationship is often hurt by moments you might dismiss as petty disagreements. The things that destroy the foundation of a healthy marriage can often disguise themselves as unimportant. Many dangerous things neither appear nor feel dangerous as they’re happening. They’re not bombs and gunshots. They’re paper cuts. And that is the danger. When we don’t recognize something as threatening, then we’re not careful. These tin

The Kiss by Gustav Klimt, the paradigm of tenderness and passion and one of my favorites. I think that most romantic relationships begin with a phase of intense, highly pleasurable bonding based on the mutual fantasy that you and the other person are ideally matched and perfectly suited for each other, soul mates. Intense spells of passion are as effective at blocking pain as cocaine and other illicit drugs. “Love on the brain” is the same feeling. When you’re in love, you ex

It is a well-known fact among therapists that men are less likely than women to seek the support of a therapist. In my own experience in coaching couples and individuals, it is usually the wife that calls me to set up the first couple session, and most individual clients are women. However, once the work of coaching is complete, male clients usually make it clear that they benefited from the process. I can say that I have benefited immensely from therapy in different periods